Sleepless

pastel painting of a wave with a crescent moon overhead

Sleepless-Wave Portrait No. 137, 5×7″ pastel on UArt sanded paper by Marie Marfia

Me waking up at 3 in the morning, lying in bed, willing myself to go back to sleep, hoping I’ll sleep more if I’m just quiet enough, just still enough to let it happen. I talk to myself, “C’mon. You can do it. Relax your toes, your ankles, your legs…” I turn over to find a cool spot on the pillow and start again. Toes, ankles, legs…

My brain churns like the sea. It’s relentless and never stops moving.

Sleep and I have this on again-off again relationship. Sometimes it hangs out for a while and everything is rosy. Sometimes it disappears without warning and I wander around the house, bleary-eyed and moody, waiting for night to come so I can woo sleep into my arms again.

The things that keep me awake are the usual. Worries about family, my business, the future. Things I have no control over. I spin out endless scenarios in my head until, desperate, I get out of bed and go looking for distraction. Today I found Gwenn Seemel’s blog and that kept me occupied until damn near 4:30, when I painted this little piece.

It’s the ocean, rolling along, unstoppable, but at least it has the crescent moon for company. Once, when we were driving home at night, Sam pointed to the crescent moon on the horizon and said, “Look, it’s the Cheshire Cat,” and I’ve thought of it that way ever since. “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”

Here’s the progress pics:

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